Welcome to our Book of Adventures

In my young, naive, complain-ey early 20’s, I worked as a server at a restaurant not too far from campus. I worked three jobs actually. This job, however, was my main source of independent-living income. I worked Friday night, and all day Saturday and Sunday. I remember one Sunday in particular…I was whining about my life. I was plating up a tray from the kitchen window. My complaints were “I didn’t like this…I didn’t like that…I wasn’t happy about this”….etc. Helen, a fellow waitress, set her loaded tray down, looked me right in the eye and said “stop complaining about everything. Change it, Heather. You don’t like where you’re at? Your life doesn’t make you happy? Then make some changes. The life you are living is what you’ve settled for.”

She then picked up her tray, and walked out into the dining room. I really didn’t know what to say. I think I stood there for a few seconds before I realized I had to keep working. The words “settled for…” rang in my head for days. Nothing punches you harder in the face than truth.

I’ve never told anyone about Helen. She was a unique human, for sure. She was loud, hilarious, always cracking jokes, always had an opinion, and a friend to everyone on staff. She was also full of cancer. From the time I knew her, I watched her go from 300+ pounds to a rail-thin 100 (or maybe less). We were all scared for her. She laughed about it though…. the weight loss, the treatments, being so sick some days she had to call in. She was a fearless, no-nonsense, an “I don’t have time to listen to your constant complaining” kinda person. And I get it. She was right. To be in her situation and have to listen to others bitch and moan…it was probably too much. How selfish we all were.

One day, she didn’t come in. This wasn’t out-of-the-ordinary, it happened often. This time, though, she did not come back. I learned that she was too sick to work anymore. It made me sad knowing that this bright light, this crazy loud and brazen personality, was gone. A few months later, on November 2nd, I found out she had died.

“The life you are living is what you’ve SETTLED for”

Helen gave me a gift that day, she hit me with truth. And how often do we get that? Everyone close to us sugar coats advice to not hurt our feelings, or make us feel like our unhappy life isn’t our fault. Full accountability, that was her message. Her words in that restaurant kitchen have stayed with me for over 2 decades. SHE has stayed with me. Hard words to hear, ya know? She was right. My life, and everything about it, IS what I’ve settled for. That is always true. And if there is anything that isn’t making me happy, doesn’t feel right, isn’t going as planned, well…that’s on me to fix. “If you don’t like it, change it.” I have heard her voice so many countless times…with every job change and every relationship ending. Funny that someone can permeate your life like that.

Since then, I’ve made my fair share of bad decisions (wish I could say I found the light and life was forever perfect after her wise advice). I found myself in lack-luster relationships, both friendships and romantic ones, that were ultimately bad for me. I found myself working at jobs that ended up being complacent, completely dried up of inspiration, and no chance of growth personally or professionally. I found myself numerous times just going about life like it was a prison sentence…get up, go to work, come home, eat, go to bed. Rinse and repeat. I wasn’t accomplishing my dreams, I wasn’t living life, I felt like a zombie, I felt like I was suffocating, I felt like I was trapped. I never went anywhere, I never experienced anything new, I was afraid. And then I heard Helen’s voice…”is this what you’re going to settle for?”

That always fired up the engine and my answer was NO. Every time I feel like my life has become a self-made prison cell, I remind myself that I am holding the keys to get out. I have never had a problem making decisions that result in change. I don’t putz around and do a “should I or shouldn’t I? Oh, I don’t know…” Nope. Once I realize I need to make a change, I simply make it. What I have never been good at, though, is starting from a place of making a good choice. Perhaps I was moving too fast. Perhaps I wasn’t doing my due diligence before deciding. As I’ve gotten older, and learned some hard lessons, I have vowed to do myself a favor and slow down. It has served me well.

Living your dreams is important. Making good decisions that result in accomplishing great things is everything. Helen’s voice has always been there in those moments where I needed a swift kick in the gut, a voice of reason, a truth bomb. I have worked hard at navigating a life that makes me happy. I have made plenty of hard decisions along the way. Plenty of times I have said goodbye and started fresh. I realized that the life I wanted had to be full of positive influences from everyone in my tiny world, my job had to be rewarding and always challenging me creatively, my personal relationships had to be deeply intimate and without reservations, and also made me feel free to be myself.

I also realized that travel had to be a part of my world

It brings balance and insight, it inspires me, it opens my eyes, it gets me thinking. It also makes me feel like I’m LIVING rather than feeling confined and suffocated. Trapped.

Am I happy with what I’ve settled for?

Yes ❤️ It has been a long journey, one that I wish I could share with Helen. I’d like to tell her that I no longer complain about things not going well, not going my way, being unhappy with this or that…I am not afraid of change. My life is good and I cherish it…every little piece of it. I know what makes me happy and I pursue it. I’m obsessed with accomplishing things…in fact, I keep a list of all accomplishments so that at the end of the year, I can read through it and reflect on it. I survived COVID and landed on my feet and in a better spot career-wise then before it began. I make careful decisions, I do not rush into anything. When things fall apart, I fly into action and fix it. When I am afraid of something, I face it…and, I have an amazing partner (my husband) right there next to me. I spent most of my life alone, having him in my life is a gift. I am also a mom, my deepest wish come true and greatest achievement…they are my everything and am so grateful for them.

Helen was preparing me for a rough road. I am so thankful for the brief period of time I knew her.

I mean, if you aren’t pursuing a life that makes you happy, what the hell ARE you doing?

I settle for nothing less than amazing, however I define amazing to be

Thank you, Helen

“I’m going to make the REST of my life the BEST of my life”